How I Met My Nickname

“Grandpa Mac! Tell us a story! Tell us the story about the ball!”

“You mean that neon yellow softball in the place of honor on the mantle, the one with all the signatures on it? That ball?”

“YES! Tell us the story!”

“Aren’t you little rascals supposed to be in bed? Besides, I’ve told you that story a thousand times. I swear, children these days have the attention span of a gnat. 

"Why, back when I was a young person we didn’t have these new-fangled brain implants. We had to get our information from our phones or tablet computers, just like God intended (Phones and tablets were things we had to use to communicate with other people and watch youtube videos because – ah, never mind). Why you kids barely comprehend the notion of storing information in your brain at all. 

"Leave Grandpa alone. He is tired and needs his bourbon.”

“Come on GRANDPA, we wanna hear the story. Pleeeease…”

“Fine, fine. I can’t say no to you little brats anyway. Ahem. Ok. Here goes. Are you paying attention this time?

“I remember it like it was just last Wednesday. Your grandpa was part of a softball team back then, in a small Philadelphia-based league of roughnecks and hooligans called the Center City Softball League. I don’t mind saying that your grandpa was kind of a star of that team, in his own right. 

“Anyway, that particular game, the one where I got the ball, it was on a somewhat rainy Wednesday at a field called Edgeley #3. Now, the CCSL wasn’t known for top quality groundskeeping, but Edgeley #3 was actually in pretty good shape, considering. The infield was all dirt, but it was mostly soft and generally smooth, not like that broken concrete at Dairy #4 that would tear chunks of flesh out of your leg if you tried to slide into second base, it was just a terrible—“

“GRANDPA! That’s boring.”

“Right, right. The point is that the field was in pretty good shape. Kind of a shame we only had one more game scheduled there the whole season. Anyway... We were playing a group of Nomads from South Philly. They were undefeated on the season to that point, and although the Green Tambourines – that was the name of our team – were not at the complete bottom of the league standings, we were coming into the game on a bit of a losing streak and most people didn’t think we had much of a chance to win. It was a pretty big mismatch, at least on paper.”

“Grandpa, was it like the USA vs. Russia in the 1980 Winter Olympics at Lake Placid?”

“How the hell do you know about that?”

“WikiBrain just suggested it as a related link to your story because it was a sporting contest that was also perceived to be a big mismatch on paper.”

“Maybe you should just pay attention to the story that you INSISTED I tell you, instead of playing around on WikiBrain. Anyway, sure, I guess it was sort of like that. The Nomads lived up to their reputation – they were excellent in the field and at the plate. They seemed to have a good strategy for hitting with wooden bats. See, a lot of CCSL players – including a few Tambourines, if I’m being honest – still hit as if they were using aluminum bats, trying to rip the cover off the ball. This meant a lot of easy fly ball outs, especially against teams with a talented outfield. The Nomads seemed to have a knack for placing the ball around the field wherever the fielders weren’t, and sacrificing power for accuracy. It worked.”

                “Is that what YOU did, Grandpa?”

“Oh, no… Your grandpa wasn’t some chump who had to throttle back the big guns in order to get base hits. I just looked for the gaps in the outfield, and then hit the ball there so hard that the fielders couldn’t get over in time to catch it. That’s how I was able to hit two home runs in that game. Yep! TWO HOME RUNS.”

                “Two REAL home runs, Grandpa?”

“Fine, if you little pains in the ass want perfect accuracy at the cost of a better story, I’ll admit that the first one was more like a triple plus an error on the Nomads. But that second shot was a fully legitimate home run. You should have seen it, kids! I was racing around the bases while the Nomads turned and chased after the ball that had just zipped past them. Credit to those guys, they didn’t give up on it, and there was very nearly a play at home plate. Unfortunately for the Nomads, but perhaps luckily for Grandpa Mac, the relay throw came in a little high as I slid into home and kicked up a spray of dirt. 

"We’ll never know for sure if a more accurate arm could have changed the outcome of that play, but between you and me -- they never had a chance. The Nomads were so impressed with my play that the entire team signed a softball and presented it to me after the game. That’s the ball up there on the mantle, kids. It’s one of my most cherished possessions from my days in the CCSL.

"They started calling me ‘Special Sauce’ after that game, because my play was so special, and um, saucy. At least I think that’s where the name came from.”

                “Grandpa, did your epic home run win the game for the Green Tambourines, beating the fearsome Nomads like Team USA beat Russia in 1980?”

“Err, no, unfortunately. We lost.”

                “Oh. It must have been close though, right?”

“Not really. Now go to bed.”                                                                         

Final Score: SPN 16, TGT 5

NEXT GAME: Monday, June 2nd at Edgeley #8 vs. PMA

Editor’s note: We’re glad that our team photographer made it back for this game, so we don’t have to try to compensate for shitty pictures with lousy editing. We’ll leave that to BC, as frankly they’re much better at it anyway. Also, it takes way too much time. More photos from Wednesday’s game below.

Flogged by the Bishops

Editor’s Note: It’s true what they say, it seems – nobody reads poetry any more. With a clear trend of sagging readership and flagging page views, the word has come down that changes in the blog are needed. There are no NEA grants walking through the door and beer is unfortunately not free, so this week we’re experimenting with some new content for game recaps. We hope you enjoy.

We were feeling pretty good about ourselves going into this game, with the last standings update showing the Gringo Tambourinos tied for third with Bishop's Collar. Sure, one may have noticed a slight disparity in the strength of the schedule for both teams, but in the end it's only the wins and losses that count. And with a win we could grab sole possession of third place. 

TGT at Third Place in the CCSL Standings? Inconceivable! 

It was a good feeling. Unfortunately we had to play the game, and unfortunately for the most part we played like neophyte choir boys. Which led to a weak offense, several Bad Touches on 'D and in the end, a bunch of satisfied Bishops. We kept it close through two, gave up three runs in the third, another in the fourth, and then the defense really started to unravel. Unforced errors and some hard hit balls through the outfield containment led to a handful of runs. Meanwhile our offense was impotent against El Colach. Whether it was the gimmicky backspin or the canny footwork around and in front of the pitching rubber (don't try that against the Zoo!), our bats were largely limp. But at least they weren't small and limp (hey-o!). 


It's possible we scored another run or two, if anyone kept track, but we never seriously threatened after the first few innings. We obviously failed to achieve sole possession of third place in the league. In fact, I heard we dropped two more spots in the standings just as I was writing this post. But we'll always have the week of May 6th through May 12th, you guys and gals! Those were some heady times. 

Basking in the glow of almost relevance.

What we learned:

• White Tambourines can't jump. 
• Rule C22.404 on page 420 of the CCSL rules : If one umpire calls "Out!" but it isn't technically his call, and the other umpire calls "I couldn't see the play, so I don't know" then the ruling on the field shall be "Safe!" (this can be confirmed in the official rule book located at the bottom of the poo-pile in the porta-potty next to the abandoned snack bar at Edgeley #8)

Occasional guest base coaches, umpires.

• Horrible beat-downs are made infinitely more enjoyable by team-building drinking sessions. We had the first post-game social of many (we hope) -- this time, at the Urban Saloon. We only spent a small amount of time bemoaning lost opportunities and a more significant amount of time planning ways we can improve the team. Like getting ourselves some walk-up music. Let's make this happen, people!

Other items of note:

• The Great Taint was in attendance on the BC sidelines -- No pleasantries were exchanged, but as far as we know, no libel or defamation of character was committed either. Progress!
• Cheers to Dusty for providing this week's libations, AND for providing the driving force behind the post-game gathering. He wins an honorary membership to "Club Spud" for his indomitable party spirit.

Final Score: BC - Many, TGT - Few

NEXT GAME: Wednesday, May 21st, 6PM -- Edgeley #3 at South Philly Nomads

Hey Kids, It's Crappy Haiku Time!

Chilly spring evening

Neon softballs arcing high

Bring it, NCC

  

***

  

Hard hit to shortstop

Dusty leather, cannon arm

Rising Sun put out

  

***

  

***

  

Mound maestro, composed

Such strange intimidation

The slow chin music

  

***

Powerful Paul strides

Hapless outfielders scurry

Tambourine rattles

***

  

***

  

Hard wood, sweaty palms

Furious stroke, then weak dribble

Got lucky -- single

  

***

  

As blossoms in spring

A jangle of tambourines

Emerge victorious

  

Final Score: TGT 9, NCC 2

The Streak is Over

After two straight non-losses, Team Green Tambourine experienced our first bitter taste of losing on Monday night. We were fighting an uphill battle before the game even started, when a variety of scheduling conflicts left us with the forfeit-avoiding minimum of 8 players, and only one of the two mandated female players. Although happy to be playing, optimism was nonetheless in short supply as we faced the prospect of battling a strong SPTR club while short an outfielder and with an automatic out each time through the lineup. In a demonstration of true sportsmanship and camaraderie, SPTR found us a second female and ninth player from the ranks of their supporters, and thus the game began on slightly more even footing. Salute to SPTR! It is always a joy to play against an honorable opponent.

Unfortunately, our lack of a fourth outfielder was quickly exploited by the hard hitting keg tappers and they jumped out to a sizeable early lead, racing around the bases while we chased neon softballs around the outfield like cats after a laser pointer. By the time a 10^th Tambo showed up mid-game (in OSHA-approved long pants and steel-toed work boots), the score was already rather lopsided in favor of SPTR. But TGT doesn’t give up easily! There were several innings yet to be played, and accompanied by the rally tambourine jangling gaily with each at bat, we started to score some runs in an attempt to trim the deficit. Unfortunately we failed to also stop allowing runs. The defense, which has been a strength in the short season, was a bit sketchier on this day. There were a few near misses in the outfield and our late arrival, inserted at 2B, Knoblauched what should have been an easy third out at first base—leading to four more runs courtesy of the subsequent SPTR grand slam. The last-gasp seventh inning rally fell eleven runs short, and that was that.

"Um, Chuck? First base is over there..."

But enough about the half-empty ass-kicking, let’s talk about the half-full beer:

·         BEER! Thanks Mike for buying this week. It was definitely a good game for drinking.

Liquid Courage

·         I’m told Paul had possibly the catch of the season in the first inning, it being some form of diving/sliding high degree-of-difficulty athletic maneuver. Unfortunately neither our intrepid blogger nor our surveillance expert were on the scene to properly document the achievement, so it won’t have the chance to be a viral sensation. The way folks were talking about it, it must have been impressive.

This is not that catch, but we love the effort.

·         It should be noted that Rafter had a very nice sliding grab in center field as well. However, the Russian beautifully captured a similarly daring albeit less successful attempt just a bit later, and so that’s what we’re going to show here instead.

It was that kind of a game.

·        New blood! Thanks Max and Kaelin for filling in and welcome to the team! Hope we see you out on the field again soon.

·        Finally, we thoroughly enjoyed playing alongside our temporary teammate Jackie, who also got off the best line of the night. Following a particularly weak effort from the opposing pitcher, she quipped “You could really use a couple extra inches” and (below-the-)belted the very next offering back to the mound, which he caught on the fly to a chorus of jeers and cheers from both teams. Rumor is that she has some inside information about the man on the mound, but we can neither confirm nor deny the accuracy of her statement as it pertains to anything other than the game on the field. Regardless, that’s the kind of play we always want more of on our team. If SPTR is leaving you unsatisfied, call us… 

Final Score: TGT 7, SPTR 18

No recap for Tuesday’s no-game against Pen & Pencil, which was cancelled due to cold and rainy weather and everyone generally preferring to stay inside and watch the Flyers’ playoff game instead. Will be rescheduled for a date TBD.

NEXT GAME: Monday, 5/5 - Edgeley #8 @ National Constitution Center

We don't photoshop much here, but were tempted to add a tutu to this one.